Planning a wedding is no joke. I mean, I just planned one myself in October, and I feel like I’m still recovering! It has so many highs and lows. One minute you are over the moon to plan the thing, and the next you just want it to be over. I kinda describe planning a wedding like moving. You are super excited to be in a new place, but you go to plan and pack for the big day and socks keep multiplying and you swear you are never buying another thing if you life depends on it. The day can’t get here fast enough, and yet all the small details that you didn’t even realize you needed are seriously adding up! Yup. It’s just like moving!
So many times, my clients turn into friends, and I’m so grateful that my line of work brings unexpected friendships. Recently I sat down with a past bride turned friend. We discussed our new married lives, and how much had changed in my life since her wedding. We chatted about our future and how we both have a love for health and wellness. And finally the conversation turned a little more serious, which is honestly where I would prefer all to be. I live for when the veil comes down, and we share how we struggle. Our true selves exposed, the good and the ugly. Because we ALL STRUGGLE with something or someone, and we all are dang good at hiding it.
I know I do. I know I am good at hiding.
This sweet past bride of mine shared how she really struggled when the wedding was over. When the the music faded, and the guests all went home. When the last piece of cake was served, her marvelous wedding dress was put away and she woke up next to the love of her life and found herself thinking…now what?
There is a high from being the star of the show–the bride. So much is focused on you. So many people are lavishing you with gifts, and compliments, and you are dressed in your better-than-Sunday-dress. Sometimes it’s not even about all the attention, it’s about having a purpose. Your hours and days are spent focusing on this major event and your goal is to plan the best wedding anyone has ever attended!
And when that purpose is over, and the spotlight is no longer shining, I think so many are left feeling…well, deflated.
I love the honesty of my friend. I love how she recognized and shared how depressed she felt after the wedding. I love that she realized how greatly it was affecting her brand new marriage, and that she knew something needed to change. Can I get an AMEN for men, who deal with so much from us complicated women?!! It took her quite a bit of time to feel like herself again. She had to go on a journey to figure out what her new purpose was in this life; and she really didn’t feel better until she found her purpose. For her, a complete career change did the trick, along with focusing on her health.
I left our lunch date thinking about what she said, and examined my own heart. Did I feel that way? Did I feel like a deflated balloon after my October wedding? You know what? I think I did, to an extent. Maybe not to her depth of depression, but I definitely felt like “Crap! We got engaged and married all within a short amount of time. I guess our honeymoon phase is over, and the real work begins. Crap, crap!”
I was more scared of what the actual marriage was going to be once the magic fairy dust wore off, and his constant leaving dishes in the sink sank in as my every day reality. Oh bless him. I just love this man that can fix anything but has the hardest time putting a spoon in the dishwasher.
My deflation after the wedding stemmed from fear of the future. I had been in a whirlwind, which often planning a wedding can do. And when all the wind dies down, the reality of your life hits you square in the face. I have had more than one past bride actually divorce in the same year as her wedding because once the party high was over, the relationship in actuality was less than worth celebrating.
So how do you deal with this extreme party high to every day low? You find your purpose. You find what makes you jump out of bed in the morning excited for the day ahead. You focus on establishing habits that promote one-ness with your new spouse. You pay attention to meeting the needs of theirs before your own. I struggle with this, can I just be honest here. I struggle with including my husband in my life because I am so used to being married to someone who didn’t care to be a part of my life. My ex cared very little about my career or friendships, and it has taken me some getting used to being with someone who does. And I can be so oh-so-self-focused and have needed to brake past habits. You see, our past follows us. Unless we are willing to stare at our past behaviors in the face and knowingly and purposely make a change then you will make the same mistakes again and again.
When the blues hit me, and it’s not often that it does, but when it does….I go back to finding my purpose and finding gratitude in the mundane. What is it that lights a fire under my butt? What is it that gives me hope for the future? For me, it is encouraging others to move forward in their lives. It is happy confident kiddos, and a husband that feels and knows that he lights up my world. It is enjoying the good, the bad and the ugly that life can throw at you, and realizing that party’s are fun but are never meant to last. Every day we can have a party high if we focus on all the good in our lives. Thankfulness always breeds joy….and that is something that is worth celebrating!
ps. I have found keeping a gratitude journal about my husband helps me to love him better. Try it! I dare you.