The Comparison Game

I always wanted to be on a televised game show. SERIOUSLY! Bucket list wish list. I wish I could go on Wheel of Fortune or the Price is Right! They always looks so fun and HELLO? You can WIN CRAP! I say crap too much, I know. Ok, you can win Ah-Ma-Zing things.

It’s funny, we all play a game with ourselves each and everyday. I realized this recently when a friend of mine said to me “Carla, I love what you are doing on social media, but aren’t you worried about how it will make others feel?” I side ways looked at her, and said huh? Because really my goal is to always make people feel better about themselves, not worse.

“You know,” she said, “those people who are going to get tired of seeing your pretty face and feel completely insecure in their own lives becase of the way you carry yourself.”

“Oooohh those people,”

I know there are those that might be triggered by my sudden appearance on social media. I know I may start getting hidden from their feed. I know those people exist because I’ve been that person. I’ve played the comparison game many times.  I know what it is like to click through facebook and immediately get an overwhelming feeling that you are doing life all wrong. I have sat on my couch, iPhone in hand, and compared my life to the lives of others on social media. And immediately felt like a loser and a failure.

There was a period in my life…a ten year period, that I compared myself to every other female that I knew. The comparison game fed my woundings of insecurity, bitterness, and resentment daily. There were some years, that every time, and I MEAN EVERY TIME, I glanced at social media I felt like I was missing something in my life. I felt inferior, and jealousy made me hide people’s news feeds or just unfriend them. I couldn’t stand how success looked on others. Sometimes, I didn’t even recognize that I was comparing myself to others. But eventually I realized that I operated in a constant state of subconscious comparison because I didn’t like who I was. I didn’t like where I was on my journey, and I felt stuck. Those who I deemed “unstuck” and secure in who they are triggered me to my core.

I’m hoping that what I’m about to say will be taken as a little #TRUTHTALK and not in any manner other than that. But here’s the truth…social media lies. It whispers tiny little lies to say that we are not good enough, as almost to say see so-and-so has the life you want. It’s a screen shot of only the good. I’m trying to break down that facade, and show where I struggle to remind others… hey, you are not alone.”  Because here’s the truth.. I don’t have my crap together. Every day, I struggle. PERIOD. Every day there is a freaking STRUGGLE, an internal push and pull that whispers to me that I-am-still-not-good-enough. And the more I silence that voice and replace it with truth, the less I compare myself to others.That person you constantly compare yourself to? They also struggle.

Realizing that everyone struggles, and anyone who I deemed as having it all, or having the life that I want, helped me to stop the desire to compare myself to others. Come on now, social media only shows the really good about people’s lives. They aren’t showing the messy house, the rotten spoiled kids, the yelling mom, the stack of bills that can’t get paid, the screaming couple or the binge-eating oreo session. It only shows the perfect. And perfect is not something anyone will ever be.

How can you get un-triggered by social media? It starts with really thinking about the “why” behind your trigger, and speaking to that “why.”  Let me speak from my own life,  there was a period where I wanted to really pursue more commercial hair and makeup gigs. And for some reason, I just couldn’t get where I wanted to be in that area, so every time I saw a “competitor” doing the things that I wanted to do and having success, I would beat myself up and feel completely sucky. It wasn’t until I realized that, that is just not the journey that I am meant to be on. God has a different plan for me, and once I believed that God’s plan is bigger and better than my own desires, I stopped getting triggered by it on social media.

When you realize who you are and what your purpose is, you can stop comparing yourself to others. I am a lion, and you may be a fox. Different, created to be different, created for life to look different. And you can’t really compare those because they were created for a different purpose. And when we accept that, we feel free to offer ourselves to others and to learn from others. I have much to learn from others!

For the first time in my life I am completely comfortable with who I am. It took a health scare (read here about that) to get me to accept my scarred body. It took a divorce to have me so at the end of myself (read here about that) THAT I FINALLY WOKE UP and realized who God created me to be. I was created for a purpose, and for a reason, and God doesn’t make mistakes. It took highs and lows both personally and professionally to get me to a point that I FINALLY get who I am. You cannot compare apples to oranges, because they are different and are meant to be different. They smell different, they taste different. You and I are different. I can’t say this enough, we were created to be different. Let’s embrace our differences.

 

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