I’m sitting here writing this blog entry and my husband, James says, “why are you making that face?”
I respond, “Oh, I’m just thinking…”
OMG this seriously is my life story. I make the worst most horrible facial expressions when I’m thinking. It’s true. AND I can say the absolute worst thing at the worst time. It’s so so cringe worthy. Just yesterday, I was doing someone’s makeup for a wedding and told the girl “wow, you have a lot of sun damage. You really need to start wearing a hat every time you are outside.” Only to see this poor girl’s face fall. Insert slap on my head. I am so dumb sometimes.
So basically I have RBF, and a mouth that is too blunt. YAY! I’m being sarcastic here, if you aren’t reading the undertone. (If you don’t know what RBF is..it means resting b***h face..it means you scowl A LOT without realizing it.) I tend to do this when I’m thinking about one thing but someone near me is assuming that I am thinking something totally different. It has gotten me into sticky situations more times than I like to count.
I think anyone that knows me would say that yup, Carla’s pretty blunt. Ok, I’ve finally accepted this, but it took me a long time to accept it and to simmer it down, so to speak. I don’t mean to hurt people’s feelings but sometimes I do. People who have the same personality as me, get the bluntness and even find it funny or even refreshing, but those who don’t? Well, they are often left feeling hurt and less than. Feelings I definitely don’t want others to experience after leaving my presence. *Sigh, sigh and more sighs*
Here’s the thing..it’s taken me a long time to recognize who I am, who I was created to be. To be at peace with my personality. I honestly hated my personality longer than I have loved it. I wished and wished I was more like my sister growing up. She was sweet, loving, and spoke to people with such tenderness that it made me want to stick my finger down my throat. You get my gist. I, obviously was not that way. I am still not that way. I’m like get to the point already. *sighs again*
Why doesn’t any of this matter? Well, we kinda live in a time where people are like “be you!” and I mean “be you to the point of if it offends and hurts others, who cares?” Ya…I don’t like that. I don’t want to accept the thought that being “true” to yourself means that it’s ok to make other’s feel less than or that their thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Does anyone else especially see this on social media? I seriously have fantasies of deleting every account.
Since I do know who I am, I am mature enough to realize that my blunt personality and awkward facial expressions can hurt others, and therefore I always need to be on guard. I sincerely try to stay in tune with other’s responses to me. If I say something that is offensive, I want to be able to recognize it and take responsibility for it. If I make a weird face, and someone interprets it to be hurtful than yes I want to apologize for it and have the opportunity to explain my reason behind it. Why? Because that is staying true to who I am. I am a woman that encourages, lifts up and supports others. My heart is to make others feel loved. Do I fail at that? Yes! All the time, but I know there is power in an apology and that those that know my heart will always give me grace. And for that I am always grateful.
Photo by my talented husband. Find his work on instagram @jmdurbin33